Just had to share this so that you could make one before the Holidays.
HOLIDAY CAKE RECIPE
1 stick buttler
1 tsp. baking soda
4 large eggs
2 bottles wine
Sample wine to check quality. Take a large bowl, wait, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour out 1 cup and drink. Better repeat that last step. Turn on the mixer. Beat one cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. of sugar. Beat again. At this time it is best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup, just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break two eggs into the bowl and chuck in some dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Check the wine for tonsisticity. Next, sift in 2 cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juices and strain the nuts. Add one table. Add a spoom of sugar or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake stins 360 de..de..you know..all the way around. Try not to fall over. S'hard. Throw in oven. OH! Snot on. Turn on oven. Way up.
Kay, try wone mine. Nother cup. Wassat? Smoke? Ats bad, verry bad. Oooooohhh. Tripps over cat. Turn off oven. Wipe counter with cat. Shrit.
Buy cake. Nah. Buy mor wine.