Blogland Lane Logo by our own Tessa Edwards

Thursday, February 4, 2010

For Renee & Jacquie

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Don't ask me how it can be that love is able to take root just like that, across the miles, so the hearts of many now mourn for the heart of one, a woman named Renee in Winnipeg, who has lost her Mother, at a time when she and her sister Jacquie are being tested every which way already.
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The following poem is for my beloved friend Renee, Jacquie, and their families. It is one of my earliest poems, written just after my friend Willa died and just as I came to understand the power of love.
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Astonishment
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If I were dying tonight,
Lying in my bed with plastic tubes and half-filled bottles
on the small table nearby
and bedpans and oxygen there to diminish any shame,
Perhaps forcing my breaths
with the strength of a desperate parent
who implausibly and frantically lifts two tons
of mangled steel off a broken daughter—
If I were dying tonight and I wished to tell you
What will astonish you,
I would tell you this:
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Be sure to notice white flowers in the moonlight,
Because the softened glow is like no other.
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Appreciate the lingering scent of garlic on your fingers,
Because healing is possible from that alone.
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Tell the truth when it matters least
Because then you will be sure there is another honest person in the world.
,
Always spend the extra money for dimmers
Because light that builds in intensity and then gently fades is
good for your spirit.
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Over and over, ask yourself, “What is the lesson here?”
Because then you will forever be a student and never a victim
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Never believe for a moment that the world is going to hell
Because you only need to love outside yourself to know better.

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If I were dying tonight, I would tell you all this
Because astonishment is brethren to curiosity,
Which leads to observation,
And dedication,
And finally appreciation.
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If I were dying tonight, perhaps there would only be minutes,
Perhaps only seconds,
To tell you that I will leave with all the love
I have ever felt, and ever given.
I will take it all with me, tucked under my angel wing—
The accumulation of grace from every breath I have ever taken.
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Here’s what’s astonishing: I will also leave all that love behind,
It will be embedded in my daughter’s stunning light and my partner’s quiet
courage,
It will guide my friends and coworkers when the layoff comes.
My brother will remember how I tried to do my share
And Joey will find someone else like me to help him tame his fears.
Even the woman at the grocery store that day I let her go ahead of me—
will remember how we were both comforted from that simple act.
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If I were dying tonight, I would also tell you
That within, under, because of, and from the little moments
Comes all the wonder and astonishment you could ever hope for.
The little moments that aren’t so little.
I would tell you to let those moments astonish you.
I would tell you this because it is all you need to know.
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Love,
kj

6 comments:

  1. Glad I came by Blogland Lane to read the full poem.

    The following is my favorite part; I think it quite majestic:

    Be sure to notice white flowers in the moonlight,
    Because the softened glow is like no other.
    .
    Appreciate the lingering scent of garlic on your fingers,
    Because healing is possible from that alone.
    .
    Tell the truth when it matters least
    Because then you will be sure there is another honest person in the world.
    ,
    Always spend the extra money for dimmers
    Because light that builds in intensity and then gently fades is
    good for your spirit.
    .
    Over and over, ask yourself, “What is the lesson here?”
    Because then you will forever be a student and never a victim
    .


    I am sure this poem will mean the world to the two sisters in distress. Love goes out to them both...

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  2. Thank you for publishing the whole poem here, kj. I have not read a poem so full of love and grace for a very long time. Prayers and blessings go out to Renee and Jackie...and you, as well.

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  3. That's just beautiful Kj~ I'm going to save it.
    Pattee

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  4. I have read this with tears in my eyes, KJ. It is really beautiful and I know this will help Renee & Jacquie who are having such a hard time.
    My favorite is: Over and over, ask yourself, “What is the lesson here?”
    Because then you will forever be a student and never a victim.
    So true!

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  5. Beautiful kj but then I knew it was. I feel so sad for Renee and her family. No family deserves what they've been through this past year. Unbelievable sadness and grief yet she still wears her heart on her sleeve and shows a brave face to the world. She is indeed a special treasure.

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  6. thank you lydia. snippets of advice: my favorite role... :)

    marion, ♥

    wieneke, it is very pleasing to share this with you. thank you so much.

    baino, renee is remarkable. she has touched us so deeply. together strong... xoxo

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